One Drop Exactly
by laurawesome
Summary: Lying injured in the middle of a raging battle, Edmund doesn't feel he's getting the attention he deserves from his pathetically useless siblings, or the Narnians he's supposedly fighting to free. How long can it take to give a boy some cordial, anyway? What does Father Christmas have to do with this? - Parody.


**Well hello there. Welcome to my fanfiction.**

**I hope you enjoy this; it's just a little parody of the scene in LWW when Edmund is injured and Lucy takes _forever_ with that cordial.**

**I would like to thank my good friend, RedIsNotAColour for giving this a read and being my beta.**

**On with the show!**

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**Disclaimer**

**No, I don't own Narnia, nor its associated characters. In fact, I'm pretty sure they have a life of their own because once I started typing they ran away with me and I'm not entirely sure quite how this parody came to be.**

_**Allons-y!**_

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Edmund lay on the ground, a sharp pain ripping through his torso with every laboured breath. He began to wonder how the battle was going; he'd have thought someone would have found him by now, either to try and get him medical attention or to finish him off. Apparently, none of his useless siblings had noticed his going missing on the battlefield... Edmund had a sudden feeling of déjà vu.

He knew he betrayed his family, and only Lucy and Aslan had really forgiven him for that, but didn't the Narnians need four random children from Finchley to fill those thrones? Wasn't that enough of a motivation to help him?

Though, they could always sit his dead body on the throne. Maybe they would prefer a rotting corpse for a second king. Did they really need four monarchs anyway? Everyone else survived with two at most.

Fading in and out of conciousness, Edmund heard a lion roar somewhere in the distance. He thought it might have been Aslan, but then, Aslan was dead. The Witch had killed him. The Witched stabbed Aslan, just like she had stabbed Edmund. And besides, it could have been the dying moan of a faun or something. Edmund wasn't really in a position to decide.

He hadn't exactly been a fantastic brother since they arrived in Narnia. He knew that.

Actually, Edmund had never been a fantastic brother.

He'd bullied Lucy since before he knew what the word 'bully' meant, antagonised Susan whenever possible for as long as he could remember and never missed and opportunity to argue with Peter. He caused as much trouble at school as he could manage, and had given his parents innumerable numbers of headaches over the years.

Still, it would be nice to be thought of once in a while.

He had tried to save Peter. Couldn't his perfect older brother return the favour now that Edmund was, you know dying?

No?

Deciding the chance of anyone in the surrounding area noticing that he was dying was pretty small, Edmund gave up and let himself fall into the dark world of unconsciousness.

'Edmund!'

The next time Edmund was aware of his existence, he felt as though he was under attack. This was a problem, considering he couldn't move, let alone defend himself. Opening his eyes slightly, Edmund saw the dwarf that followed the Witch around (He never bothered to learn his name. Maybe that was what Aslan meant when he said Edmund should try to be less arrogant in future) raising his axe to strike Edmund.  
He was going to die, all because his family didn't give a damn and had completely forgotten about him.

He always knew that dwarf hated him. Jealous of Edmund's turkish delight, probably. Turkish delight is very yummy, after all.

Just as the dwarf was about to finish Edmund off, an arrow stuck in his chest. The dwarf fell backwards with a 'Nyarrgh!'

Well, that was good. The dwarf was dead.

Strange dying noise, though.

Not that Edmund knew what dwarf dying noises sounded like.

It could have been a completely normal reaction.

For a dwarf, of course. For anyone else it would be downright worrying.

Edmund wondered if the person who had shot the dwarf was lining up to shoot him next. That would be just his luck. Figuring that there was nothing he could do anyway, Edmund let himself become unconscious again.

The next time he came round, Edmund heard what sounded suspiciously like someone sobbing.

That sounded a lot like Susan, actually. Or maybe it was the dwarf.

No, it was Susan. She'd probably be really offended if she found out her brother had thought she sounded like the strange-dying-noise-dwarf, even for a second. Edmund could see her face hovering above him, though his vision was slightly blurry. Lucy was kneeling at his side, and Peter was... Peter was crying?

He'd never seen Peter cry before. It was almost as if they cared! Then again, if you care about your family you notice when they have been stabbed and do not just leave them there to die, so apparently they didn't.

Edmund briefly entertained the idea of dying just to spite his siblings, but decided that he didn't think even the telling off Peter would get for letting his little brother die would be worth it. Besides, if he was dead he'd never get to see Mrs Pevensie yell at her eldest, most perfect child, and that was something Edmund definitely wanted to live to see.

They all looked kind of sad.

Maybe that was because their brother was, you know, dying?

He was seriously was probably going to die. If only there was some sort of cure that could heal any injury-

Lucy's Cordial!

His younger sister was popping the cork off the little bottle. Still struggling to breath, Edmund tried to open his mouth a little to make it easier for Lucy to administer the cordial. She was holding the bottle, tipping it...

How long could this possibly take?!

'Will you please hurry up? I'm, you know, dying here!' Edmund croaked.

Lucy pulled the bottle back towards her defensively. 'Father Christmas said that it only needs one drop! I'm not wasting it.'

'Lucy, I'm your brother! Please give me some of the damned cordial, otherwise I'm pretty sure I'm going to die,' Edmund snapped, 'And though it would be fun to watch Mother yell at Peter for letting me get killed, I wouldn't be able to point and laugh because I'd be DEAD!'

'It wouldn't be funny at all! I hate getting shouted at,' Peter said sulkily.

Susan sighed. 'Don't be melodramatic, Ed.'

'I'm not being melodramatic,' Edmund glared, 'I'm dying and Lucy won't give me the cordial!' He whined.

Lucy looked at Edmund in the way younger siblings look at older siblings when they know the older sibling is being stupid but won't admit it. 'You only need one drop. Father Christmas said-'

'FATHER CHRISTMAS ISN'T REAL!' Edmund shouted.

'Of course he is,' Lucy blinked. 'We met him. He gave me the cordial, and a dagger.'

'And he gave me my bow,' said Susan.

'Where else would I have got such a badass sword from?' Peter asked.

'I don't know,' said Edmund, 'Maybe the same place everyone else got all their weapons from?'

Peter gave a derisive snort. 'Pfft, no.'

'We're getting off topic,' said Edmund.

'What topic?' asked Susan.

'The topic of me dying and Lucy refusing to give me the cordial that would save my life!' Edmund growled.

Lucy huffed and presented the bottle. She tipped the bottle and one drop of fireflower juice fell into Edmund's mouth. 'Fine. There you 're not going to die. Happy?'

Edmund swallowed the juice, and a tingling warm sensation overcame him. He coughed, then smiled. 'Yes, thank you.'

'What happened, anyway?' Susan inquired.

'I saw the Witch going to attack Peter, so I jumped off the rocks and attacked her before she could get to him. I broke the Witch's wand in half,' said Edmund, 'Then she stabbed me.'

'You mean this happened because you were trying to defend me?' Peter asked, startled.

Edmund raised an eyebrow at his brother. 'Yeah,' he said.

'You idiot!' Peter howled. 'I told you to go home! Why do you never listen to me?'

'Because quite often what you say is stupid?' Edmund replied. '"Get the girls and get them home." Pfft. We can't get home anyway, so I think you're the idiot.'

Susan and Lucy rounded on Peter. 'What?' Susan hissed. 'You don't think we're capable of getting home on our own? You think we needed a male to look after us? Well, unless I'm very much mistaken both of my brothers have gotten themselves seriously injured fighting the White Witch, while both myself and Lucy are fine!'

'I think you're both idiots,' Lucy added.

'I only wanted to get you home because if I didn't Mother would shout at me!' Peter cried helplessly. 'I'm not an idiot! Edmund's an idiot for nearly dying!'

'Lucy's an idiot for not giving me the cordial!'

'Peter's an idiot for telling us to go home!'

'Susan's an idiot for not shooting that damned dwarf earlier!'

'Edmund tried to redeem himself for betraying us and helping the White Witch in exchange for turkish delight, by trying to fight her and nobly sacrificing himself to save someone who was doing perfectly okay on their own even though it was actually Aslan who defeated her, getting himself mortally wounded in the process and then just lying on the ground doing nothing whilst we almost lost the battle, so I think Edmund is the biggest idiot!'

Edmund sat up. 'AT LEAST I KNOW FATHER CHRISTMAS ISN'T REAL!'

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**~_ Laurawesome_**


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